Wednesday, August 06, 2008
First Time for Everything, Umm My Ears Still Ring..
My ears still ring with the sound of his voice. His voice could comfort above all others. When I had my 2nd child, I was in tremendous pain due to a tumor on an ovary and I didn't want my mother, just him by my side.
He had a voice even when he was quiet. He has a way of just saying nothing at all but saying it all. With his kind of love, he's got your back, no matter what. So today, as another granddaughter is born, he's not saying anything but I know he knows.
For the first time, I have to love and embrace a grand daughter without him here beside me. I get really mad and it seems so strange that we aren't doing this welcome thing together. After all, it's his grand daughter too. Why oh why can't he be here to see her and hold here and see the joy on her siblings' faces?
Reality hits and I realize that what I desire from him is not going to happen. That part of me that held him inside and has been so quiet and deafening at times, is listening again. My life continues as a new and blessed little voice begins to sing. He's here with us now and my ears are starting to ring, full of his voice, and I know he's got my back.